Aggravated Mayhem

Did you know there is a section in the California Penal Code for Mayhem?  I had never heard of such a thing until a couple weeks ago at the couples shower when one of our other friends mentioned that he worked with a woman who had been convicted of aggravated mayhem.  I asked what it was, but can only recall something about one woman biting another woman's ear off or something.  I swear I am not making this up.  Anyway.  The reason I can't really remember is because I was secretly captivated by the expression "aggravated mayhem" and only half heard the rest.  In fact I turned to the Chef and whispered "I'm secretly in love with this aggravated mayhem."  He shook his head and was like "I know you are.  I saw your eyes light up as soon as he said it."  Woops!

Basically it's been living in my mind.  Sometimes I just blurt it out for fun.  "Now there's some aggravated mayhem." Catchy, isn't it?

This week can be best summarized, ironically, as aggravated mayhem.  Maybe I should have seen it coming.  First my friend's mom, then the whacked out sun burn after being doused in SPF 85, and now the Chef's mom.  In the middle of all this I literally witnessed and got caught in the crossfire of some aggravated mayhem of my own that resulted in this nonsense:

I mean can you even tell what color that is?  That would be a no.  I got these things repainted a day and a half ago (not that you could tell with the nice chip job that's already occurring) amidst the biggest nail battle royale of all time.

There I was on Tuesday evening with my nails all chipped up after just having had them done on Saturday afternoon.  Unacceptable.  So I roll back into the salon to get them repainted.  Can you say deep freeze?  Now I may not understand Korean, but I do understand body language and non-verbal cues.  Picture it:  in I stroll to my usual place.  I sit down because there are 2 customers and 3 nail ladies working on them so I have to wait.  I pick up a trash magazine and begin reading.  One customer leaves.  The free nail lady says come over.  I get up to walk over.  Mid-stride one of the others YELLS at her in Korean.  And I mean yells.

Now I'm head down trying to act like everything is normal.  I sit down.  The one who got yelled at raises her voice a little back to the yeller.  As I'm sitting there all hell, I mean aggravated mayhem, breaks loose....They all start full-on screaming at each other in Korean.  The other customer is done.  She scurries out.  I'm caught in the crossfire.  Is this a Seinfeld skit?  One hand's polish is removed and the other hand still tore up.  They're all yelling at each other.  It's like cats in a bag.  They run the other lady off!!  The remaining two start clearly talking about her right in front of me - you could just TELL - even though this all went down in Korean.

So there I am both hands polish off, one foot off one still on and they pick up the phone and start calling and tattling to the owner while still trying to do my nails.  Ever tried to paint a nail with a phone connected to your ear?  Not so much.  They would call, scream, get screamed at, hang up and then the entire process would begin again.  Rinse and repeat for at least 15 minutes.  Can you say tension?  As a result I've got whacked out, unidentifiable color that's already chipping off - 2 coats on some nails, 3 coats on others and no top coat - never mind that I don't even know what the hell the color actually is. See what I mean? Aggravated mayhem is on the loose this week!! 

To top it all off tonight when I stopped at the bank to do a deposit the neighborhood crazy homeless guy who has been roaming the streets for a couple months now flailing his dirty arm cast that's sometimes on his leg (?) simultaneously twitching and hollering at the top of his lungs while downing a 40 of beer with his free hand was beating up on the very ATM I needed to use.  Hitting it full force. When I looked up from my deposit slip and saw him approaching my car at a rapid pace suffice it to say I fired it up, hit reverse and sped off faster than you could say, "pass that 40".  Life's too short.  Bills can wait.

Speaking of aggravated mayhem...

Amsterdam Clog - by Dulce Shoes

I might be committing some of my own when these babies show up next week.  Hope the UPS guy doesn't accidentally hit me in the head with them when he throws them on the stoop. You know, aggravated mayhem style...(sorry I couldn't resist).

Have a great weekend everyone!  Posts will go back to "normal" next week.  Hopefully with a recipe and a few fashion finds.

xoxo,
Carrie
p.s. - Don't forget to enter for the Ebelskiver Pan and Turning Tools...we could all use a few chocolate filled pancakes in our lives.