slowly then all at once

Do you ever get in a funk and not even fully realize you're in it? Yesterday I received a note from a dear friend (who is really more like family) reminding me that 3 years ago to the day we were in Hawaii for a special service commemorating the passing of another dear, dear friend of ours. A wave of emotion and so many memories swept over me all at once. That was a particularly special time, and trip, simultaneously filled with so much joy and sadness words really can't describe.

Just the other day I mentioned that I've been experiencing some sort of wardrobe crisis. I chalked it up to boredom, maybe too much stuff or not being able to focus on the right stuff to pull things together; possibly the rainy, cool weather of the past couple of weeks. Yet inside I knew it didn't add up - I lived in Washington State with buckets of rain for several years and those were some of the happiest days of my life - days that were not void of fun outfits. This afternoon when I mentioned the passing of my friend to the Chef it suddenly dawned on me that it being this time of the year is probably the reason for my grey days. The heart is an interesting thing. As much as we think we've moved on from something in our mind - it is our heart that ultimately determines how far we've gone. I guess I've still got a ways to go.

Tonight when I looked at pictures from that trip I remembered a different me - a more peaceful me. My posts have been pretty somber lately. Here's an attempt to turn the tide, even a little.

Kauai - October 2007